“You’re an awful person,” Bella mumbled to herself. She sighed and glanced around at her surroundings. She was still uncertain of her decision to leave the hotel room and camp out in a trailer park, but only time would tell if it was the right choice for them. Belie was in their RV, hopefully asleep, but there was no sleep for Bella tonight. Even in the trailer park, she couldn't see the stars. The nearby city lights blotted out the natural light. That’s the one thing she disliked about NYC. It seemed to wipe out the beauty of nature.
Bella groaned and lay flat on her back. The grass beneath her tickled the back of her neck. It had been a strange week. Practically her entire family had been in New York to support Niels and Amanda as they welcomed the newest member of the family. At tiny preemie named Eliana. Bella saw pictures. She’d been aware of the bad state that both mother and newborn were in. Yet she couldn’t find it in herself to visit… until tonight. One quick visit and a refusal to hold Eliana. She was uncomfortable. Everything felt foreign. Too big. Or too small. Her mind certainly seemed too large for her head. It was constantly racing, keeping her from focusing on one thing most of the time. Unless she forced herself to relax, that is. Kobe, her sister could’ve died. As could her niece, yet she’d chosen to go hiking during the weekend with Nathan and escape it all rather than face what was really going on. It was simple. And complicated. Could it be both? She couldn’t explain it to Amanda. She couldn’t tell her that she wasn’t strong enough to look the possibility of death in the eye again. She couldn’t cope with the potential that an innocent newborn could perished while someone like Bella continued to live. She couldn’t be ‘Aunty Bella’. She couldn’t smile at her other nieces and nephew and pretend that she was alright. She was far from alright. She was out of medication. And running out of time. “Kobe help us all,” she muttered.
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Isabella Kaylee DwyerWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2017
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