Bella stood in front of the mirror for about the thousandth time, a smile spread across her lips. She couldn’t stop thinking of her first appointment with the midwife, Anje. The woman was surely a keeper; confident, knowledgeable, but kind and gentle. She’d weighed Bella, taken her blood pressure, her temperature and other vitals. Everything seemed good. Then came the moment of truth.
When Anje first put the gel on Bella’s stomach, Bella held tightly to Nathan’s hand. She sent up so many prayers to the powers above that one of them simply /had/ to answer. At first, there was just a strange, staticy sound coming from the doppler. But then… Bella opened her eyes at the galloping sound that filled her ears. "That's your baby's heartbeat. It's strong too." Anje had told her. Bella could no longer contain the big teardrops that rolled down her cheeks. "Do you hear that, Nathan?!" “...the most beautiful sound in the world,” Nathan had replied. A week later, Bella couldn’t stop smiling at the memory. Anje blamed Bella's early baby bump on Bella’s small frame. Then again, Anje said they couldn’t be certain exactly how far along Bella was yes. But Bella was pretty sure she knew exactly when this little one was conceived. She had a gut feeling. The thought alone made her grin. Her fingers lightly slid over her belly. Leaving the bedroom, she headed into the kitchen where Nathan was preparing a snack for her. He’d insisted on making sure she ate, even when her stomach rejected many things. “Can you believe this?” she asked, rolling her sweater up so that Nathan could see her belly. “You have to take a picture. I’ll send it to my mum.” She chuckled. “Isa, Belie, and Ada, too. Maybe our family in New York too.” She laughed gleefully as Nathan grinned and snapped the photo. Now, she didn’t care if the whole world knew. She was a proud mummy-to-be. It’s official. Definitely pregnant. ;)
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Bella shook her head, amused as she looked all how packed their luggage was. In fact, they’d gained another bag thanks to Nathan’s books and the various things she’d purchased as well. London had been fun. Bella enjoyed all of her maid of honour duties, spending some time with her family, and showing Nathan around her town. It seemed like it had been ages since she was last in London, but she remembered everything without difficulty.
Once they were completely finished packing, Bella put her arms around Nathan and looked up at him. “How about one last adventure in London?” she asked Nathan. The night was still young, and while she’d turned down the chance at having dinner at a restaurant, it didn’t mean there weren’t other things they couldn’t do. She didn’t quite trust herself in a restaurant yet. She’d become quite sensitive to smells and sometimes her stomach simply rejected things that she ate. Bella never once complained, however. She relished every symptom that reminded her that their miracle was still thriving. Soon, they were walking hand-in-hand along the pier in Brighton. It was quite a cool evening, but Bella didn’t mind. Not for tonight, at least, since tomorrow they would be back home in Africa. They talked about various things. About returning home, Nathan thought that they should find a midwife to visit Ithemba as soon as possible. Preferably one who spoke English, even if they did understand the native language well by now. They spoke in excitement about returning to see their furry babies again. They still had to officially give them names and commence with lots of paperwork and etc, no doubt. Despite all of the work awaiting them at Ithemba and despite enjoying being in London where everything was so easily accessible, Bella actually couldn’t wait to get back home. Under one condition: “We definitely have to visit London again sometime.” Isa looked absolutely beautiful in her bridal gown. There was also no doubt that she was nervous. Several times, Bella had told her to relax. That Gabe would be stunned. “He’d probably cry with joy,” she’d told Isa. Each time, Isa giggled about it, but the nervousness was hard to shake. “Listen,” said Bella. “ I promise you in the end, the only thing you’ll care about is your soon-to-be husband. Focus on Gabe. Everyone’s eyes will on you, yes, but it’s only his that matter.” ~~ The wedding ceremony was lovely. The vows left Bella trying to discretely brush tears away. She wasn’t normally one to get sentimental, but today she simply couldn’t help it. Today, her best friend was finally getting married. She’d know it’s what Isa had wanted for a long time. She’d imagined her wedding long before she even had her boyfriend, and Bella was honoured to witness her best friend’s dream come true. ~~ The night was a delight, and while Bella was nervous to stand up and give a speech in front of everyone, she was prepared. “Once upon a time, long ago, I met the girliest girl in the entire universe. And for those who didn’t know me back then, I was the exact opposite. Yet… we somehow got along wonderfully.” She gestured to the picture that appeared on the screen against the wall; a projection. “I guess we sort of balanced each other out. I’ve seen Isa grow from a coy girl who barely spoke up, to an actual bride! That’s almost a miracle.” She grinned a little teasingly before going on. “It was truly an honour to be Isa’s maid of honour today and I look forward to witnessing many more amazing moments. Babies. More babies…” She grinned again. “A few pets... Maybe a big mansion overlooking the ocean. And Gabe, I hope you’re prepared to give this woman everything her girly little heart desires. You better take good care of this treasure!” She raised her glass of sparkling juice. “To Isa and Gabe, now and forever.”
Maybe she was being a little too paranoid, but Bella had taken quite a few pregnancy tests after the first set… of six. Every once in a while, she just wanted to make sure that it was true, that it really was happening, and that the life they’d created was still thriving. The discovery had been one of so many conflicting emotions. Fear, concern, happiness, uncertainty... but in the end, while some fears lingered, Bella and Nathan couldn't be happier.
Daily, Bella's fingers roamed over her flat belly. There were only muscles at the moment, toned from a childhood of gymnastics, teen years of fighting, and then the past years of lifting and moving around wild animals. It was hard to imagine herself with a big belly. She wondered if she would be one of those women who were all belly or if she would be small. Nathan had caught her a few times, lost in thought, her fingers against her abdomen. She’d smiled sheepishly each time, but how often had his hands wander to her stomach as well. They hadn’t told anyone yet, not even the closest of confidantes. They decided to wait until it was… a little safer. For now, Bella made sure to get plenty of rest, she continued her healthy newly-vegetarian diet, she meditated morning and night, and Nathan had been sure to put a strict time limit on how much time she spent out with the animals or in the office. Bella had never been one to pray, but lately she found herself sending up silent prayers to the powers above. She was doing everything in her power to ensure that this pregnancy would be a healthy one. That this child they’d conceived would survive. Bella wasn’t sure how, but she’d promised to keep their little one safe. One way or another. It had been a rough couple of weeks with the runt of Asha’s litter, but the fragile little guy was improving. Daily, his appetite grew and he was even trying to suckle on his own sometimes. They still didn’t have names for the cubs but Ulwazi referred to the runt as 'Ikati'. It literally meant 'cat' but Bella had taken quite a liking to the sound of it. Bella was sitting on the floor near the ‘den’ they’d created for Asha and the cubs. She’d successfully checked on Ikati and now that the cub was asleep, Bella figured she could put him in with his siblings. The temperature in the room was well-monitored. Since the cheetahs couldn’t properly regulate their temperature and Asha was not always in the mood to remain by her cubs’ side, it was of utmost importance that the staff at Ithemba checked on the cubs often.
Perhaps it was Asha’s more domestic side that made her want to just leave her cubs behind sometimes, but overall, she was quite a wonderful mother. “Alright, Ikati. Back with your siblings,” said Bella. She rose from the ground, the cheetah cub wrapped in the towel in her arms. For a brief moment, the world around her swayed. Keeping Ikati firmly in one arm, Bella reached her other arm out to hold on to the wall. “Whoa…” Ulwazi was near the door, checking on the thermostat to make sure the temperature was optimal. “You okay?” he asked in his heavily accented English. “Yeah,” said Bella, still holding on to the wall. “Just a little dizzy spell. I’m fine.” “Many dizzy spells,” said Ulwazi. Bella knew what he meant. They’d gotten more frequent these days, especially when she got up too fast. Then there was the increasing fatigue. Even now, in the middle of the day, she could use a nap. Maybe it was just her body still fighting against her decision to be medication free. Or maybe it was something more. For now, she just blamed it on coincidence. It was truly amazing, watching Asha’s instincts take over. She gave birth to not one, not two, but three cheetah cubs. The whole time, Nathan was standing there with her, his arms around her waist, both of them like two excitable children on Christmas day. It was just incredible. They didn’t jump in to assist Asha right away. They let her lick the cubs clean, nudge them, try to get their lungs working well. All of the cubs seemed to be moving, two of them were already trying to suckle as Asha lay on her side. The delivery was over, it seemed. Bella took a deep, contented breath and smiled at Nathan. “She did it. All by herself. No problems.”
“She certainly did.” He smiled proudly. Their Asha. She still had those wild instincts after all. While that was great for the cubs, it made Bella wonder how or even if Asha would allow them to check her out, or the cubs. “Hey Asha,” said Bella, trying to draw attention to the cheetah. Asha looked over at them. There was a certain protectiveness about her, but at the same time, she didn’t seem distrusting. Nathan and Bella approached with caution, talking to Asha every step of the way. Asha kept intermittently licking one of the cubs. The one who wasn’t nursing, but instead he/she was just lying there. Definitely breathing though. Bella and Nathan knelt down near Asha and the brand new cubs. “Good girl,” said Nathan, daring to reach out to Asha. The cheetah made no move and her humans sighed in relief. After a while of observing the cubs, Bella pointed to the one that seemed fast asleep. “Nathan? Is it me or is he breathing a bit strangely?” After finally having that much-needed talk, Bella and Nathan had decided to give it another try. Sometimes fear ran through Bella like hot, liquid metal through her veins. She just kept thinking back to that one awful moment in which their 'miracle' had been forcefully ripped from them.
Lately, she’d been extremely aware of her body. Without the medications, she kept a journal of her moods each day as well as any physical changes. Some days, she lacked a proper appetite. Some days, she felt on edge. Then there were those days when she felt perfectly normal and perfectly happy. As if nothing had ever gone wrong in her life. Busy days at Ithemba and quality time kept her mind off the negative. Then there were the nights so driven by passion and love that there was no room for any other emotions. Bella loved those nights. In the morning, she always wondered if they’d been lucky enough to conceive, but she was always too afraid to find out. The sun was just rising when Nathan awoke. They shared a quick breakfast together and then while Nathan went to make a few phone calls, Bella headed out to check on Asha. The cheetah cubs should arrive any day now, so Asha had often been locked away at night in one of the rooms in the orphanage. She wasn’t too appreciative of it at first, but after all the nights she’d spent there, she’d become accustomed to it. In the day, she had the chance to roam the refuge grounds freely. As Bella entered the building, she heard little chirping and whining sounds coming from the room in the back. Asha… Bella took off running right away, and as she opened the door, she found Asha in the nesting area they'd created for her, filled with straw. Bella grabbed her phone, a wide smile on her lips. “Nathan, Asha’s in labour. You might want to get here. Quick!” Just then, one of the cubs began to emerge. Bella's jaw dropped. "Quick Nathan!" she said, trying not to yell and alarm Asha. "One's already coming." “I can’t… turn my brain off…” Bella fussed. She’d done it all. Checked on the animals in the middle of the night. Walked around the wildlife refuge, Asha keeping her company. She’d checked the database and made sure they’d completed all paperwork for the animals. She’d even scribbled down a plethora of ideas for the wildlife refuge. Summer camps, educational programmes, “adopt an animal” programmes… the possibilities were endless as her thoughts were endless. She pressed the pillow over her face and tried her hardest to turn her thoughts off.
It was 04.00 and soon their morning was beginning. Nathan had awoken to her constant tossing and turning in bed. Before that, he’d tried to coax her into getting to bed in the first place. He’d forced her to drink chamomile and passion flower tea. But nothing was working. There was a constantly restlessness in her legs that made her feel like getting up and running around. Most of all, there was that intense fear that she was relapsing. She knew very well what this was. She was on the brink of a manic episode if not in the middle of one. She was afraid that it would drive her to do far more impulsive things. Drive her to delusions of grandeur and hallucinations. Very much like the one that had caused her to leap off her balcony years ago. Her thigh stung at the thought of that fall. Of the injury that had left her in pain for so long. Maybe she was an idiot to stop taking her medications. But hadn’t she known the risks before. Seconds away from having a complete nervous breakdown, she felt the pillow wrench away from her face and Nathan’s arms wrap around her in a fierce grip. At first she wanted to push him away, to tell him that he was making it all worse, but somehow, oddly enough, she felt her body relax slightly. She trusted him. This tight grip somehow brought her back to reality, calmed her thoughts a bit. “Hey…” Nathan whispered in the darkness. “I’m here. It’ll be alright.” And she believed him. |
Isabella Kaylee DwyerWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2017
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