Bella never handled grief very well. She’d always thought that she was the weaker one of her siblings, falling into depression and eventually being diagnosed with bipolar, but she’d learned through the years that she was stronger than she thought. Today, however, she felt vulnerable. Surrounded by sorrow, and feeling her insides blacken once again. Death did that to a person. It robbed them of happiness. Of hope. Especially the death of one’s baby brother. How could life be so cruel? It had been a long time since Bella had taken any antidepressants or even antipsychotics. With Nathan’s help, even pre-pregnancy, she’d managed to keep her condition under control with a proper diet and lifestyle changes. Yet, today, she was tempted. She knew for a fact that situations like this could trigger psychological illnesses, and the last thing she wanted was to put her family through more turmoil. Bella’s way of coping had always been to keep her emotions to herself. She’d gotten into such a difficult habit of holding everything in until she exploded. This time, learning from the past, she’d let all of those fumes out in the open. Back home at Ithemba, she’d walked the grounds beyond their house, she’d screamed, she’d kicked at trees, she’d cried until the tears seemed to dry out. Only then was she able to face her family. Only then she’d been able to tuck her daughters in, to kiss her husband goodnight, to comfort Belie… Poor Belie. Eli had been her only friend. Eli’s wedding had perhaps been the last time the entire Rosewell-Barthel-van Loon family was together. It was quite… funny that Eli’s wedding was the next even to bring everyone together again. Funny in a sick, twisted way, that is. Life was twisted in that way. Wasn’t it just the other day that Bella was thanking the powers above for letting her husband survive malaria? Now her brother had been taken from her. A life for a life. Bella felt Nathan’s hand slip over hers. She squeezed his, closing her eyes to contain her emotions during the funeral ceremony. The trip had been a lot for Nathan as he was still recovering. But he was stubborn, just like her. The girls didn’t quite understand death just yet, but they knew that they would never see their Uncle Eli again. They knew he was gone forever and that it was a sad thing. So much of Bella’s life had been so sad that she wished to shelter the girls from sadness as long as possible. But life (and death) happened. It was a reality that she and Nathan had to explain to them; the toddler version of course. At the funeral and burial, the girls clung to their parents, sensing all the grief around them. Then there was the repast in which the family received millions of condolences and partook of the refreshments and drinks there. Bella didn’t have much of an appetite, but she managed to eat some fruit and watch Eryn mingle like a social butterfly while Mya smiled shyly at everyone. Despite all of the sadness, once they left the repast, the girls were their usual, silly selves, bringing the smile to Bella’s face once again. Bella couldn’t imagine raising the girls without her husband by her side. She felt Aelin’s pain. As they headed back to the hotel for the night, Bella sent Aelin a text:
Like Rico said, we’re here for you if you need anything. You’re a Barthel after all.
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It had been a long day of classes when Bella finally returned to her dorm. Luckily, there was only one class the following day. Bella was just settling down in her dorm when she decided to check her cell phone. She was surprised to find two missed calls from London. One from her sister Amanda, and one from her mother. Either there was exciting news or something had gone horrible wrong. Bella hoped for the first.
She had two voice messages, so rather than call to find out what was going on, she decided to listen to the voice messages first. Amanda’s message was simple: “Hey Bella. Call me when you get the chance, okay? It’s important.” Those simple words rang so loud and clearly, that Bella couldn’t question whether the news was bad or good. It was certainly bad news. Her mother’s message was similar, but Bella could tell that Rosa had been in tears at the moment. With an already-aching heart, Bella called Amanda back. Right away, she heard her sister’s voice. “Oh thank Kobe, you called back.” “Hey… what’s wrong? I got both you and mum’s message. Is everything alright?” Bella bit her lip, not eager to hear her sister’s response. “No… Bella. Are you sitting?” Amanda’s voice was surprisingly calm, but Bella could hear the hurt in it. “Just come out with it already,” Bella impatiently replied. Beating around the bush wasn’t helping at thing. There was a pause on the other end of the line and then Amanda finally spoke up. “It’s Eli… He was attacked while in India. It was a little while ago, but Aelin haven’t been able to get the word to us until now. Bella, he didn’t make it.” Bella felt her heart drop and the cold feeling of dread come over her. She tried to wrap her mind around Amanda’s words but they didn’t make sense. Bella had been attacked so many times in her life. She wasn’t always such a good person. She’d messed with the wrong crowd and gotten into some really questionable situations. She’d endured a poisonous snake bite and medical complications. Yet, here she was, still very much alive. Eli had always been a good person. He was a nerdy little boy who loved nothing more than books and history. What could he have possibly done to get attacked? How could he be dead. “Define… ‘didn’t make it’,” said Bella. “He… died. During surgery, apparently. Too much blood loss. Can you please tell Belie? I’ve been trying to reach her too.” Bella didn’t wait to hear any more. She just slipped the phone into her pocket, grabbed her bag, and rushed out of her dorm, homeward bound. Just as she’d done months ago when Nathan called, Bella drove like a madwoman on the way home. She didn’t abide to stop signs, and she certainly didn’t take it easy on the rougher terrain. Within hours, she’d made it home. But rather than enter the house right away, she sat in the van, trying to bring some clarity to her mind. At least, she decided to just sent a text to Belie and Nathan. She didn’t know how else to break the news to them without breaking down, herself. I’m home. Tragic news from London: Eli’s dead. Bella had so much to be thankful for. She’d completed a full year of veterinary school, with 1-2 more to go depending on how well she played her cards. Her girls were growing beautifully and Ithemba continued to flourish despite all the setbacks lately. They were even getting some grants to fund various research projects. One day, it could even be a top destination for interns.
Lastly, but certainly not least, Bella was grateful for her husband’s health. He’d made it through quite a difficult ordeal. Of course, he wasn’t completely healed yet, but he still grew stronger and stronger every day. Bella didn’t need any gifts for Christmas this year. She had all the gifts she could ever ask for. The best part was that she could be home to enjoy all of it. No school for another two weeks. South Africa brought an element to Christmas very differently that how Bella had grown up. There were no logs in the fire, no need for hot cocoa, no warm fuzzy socks, and of course no snow. Still, the family cuddled up on the couch, having a Christmas movie-a-thon. Of course, most of the movies were dominated by kiddie flicks, and Mya somehow managed to convince them that Frozen was a Christmas movie. Bella didn’t mind though. Ages ago, she would’ve never imagined sitting on the couch on Christmas day, watching girly, kiddie movies. Yet, she couldn’t imagine it any other way now. As the girls dozed off, Bella cuddled up to Nathan. “Tomorrow is your birthday…” she whispered to him. “Again?” He smirked, making Bella chuckle. “Again. I was thinking… how about we go into town and have a romantic dinner? And I was also thinking… we should start planning that trip to Alaska sometime. Just the two of us…” It had always been a dream of theirs. Other wished to vacation somewhere tropical, but Nathan had always spoken of Alaska. Perhaps the cold could do them some good. Bella could think of one benefit of freezing temperatures outside. It meant staying indoors... Bella had seen Nathan, incapacitated before, so to speak. He’d had his share of broken bones and gushing wounds. Still, nothing prepared her for the malaria that struck his once-strong body. She almost didn’t recognise him; he looked so feeble and helpless. It broke Bella’s heart mostly because she could tell that his pride was a little hurt at times. First the broken arm that left Bella tending to the animals on her own for months, and now this.
Bella kept trying to tell him that all of that didn’t matter, and eventually he believed her. One thing was certain: they were grateful that he’d survived. The disease could be fatal if not taken care of properly. But he was alive! Her Nathaniel was alive. Bella smiled as she stepped onto their back veranda. Nathan sat reclined in the rocking chair, enjoying the warm South African air. “Are you sure you’ll be alright if I go back to class?” Bella asked him. After this experience, she was quite reluctant to be away from her family again. Nathan smiled and reached out. Before Bella could predict it, Nathan pulled her into his lap. Bella yelped in surprised. When had he regained this amount of strength? She couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that a yes or a no?” Nathan gently placed his fingers under her chin and kissed her softly. “What do you think?” he asked. “Bells, I’ll be just fine here. I’m getting stronger every day. Belie is here, Ollie, Ulwazi. We’ll all be just fine. Besides… I’m teaching the girls to take over my job already.” Bella laughed. “Why do I actually believe that?” She sighed and gazed admirably at Nathan. “I love you, you know that? No more fatal diseases while I’m away, okay?” So far, Bella’s decision to remain in school throughout the break was working out quite well. Classes were even more sparse than during the normal school year, so she only had to be in Johannesburg twice a week. Most of the time, she was home, except for days when she needed to attend an extra lab or an extra lecture/presentation. The schedule was working perfectly. She was even home when Nathan needed to go to northern Nambia for the weekend.
Weekends were always lovely. It gave her a chance to take a break from studying for a quick moment, spend some time with the girls, sneak in some alone time with Nathan. The past weekend, she missed him, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the tremendous amount of quality time she spend with her daughters. At three, they were budding into amazing little humans. The weekend ended way too soon and before long, Bella was back to her quarters in Johannesburg. Her room always felt so cold and empty when she returned the first night. She always missed Nathan’s presence. For that reason, when she answered the phone in the middle of the night - in the middle of her sleep cycle, in fact - she swore she was imagining her husband’s voice on the other end. "Isabella? Come..home..please. I'm sick." It took Bella’s sleepy brain a moment to register the words, but when she did, she bolted upright, wide awake. “Nathan? Sick? What’s the matter?” He didn’t really need to elaborate though. The weakness she heard in her voice was so unlike him. Something was definitely wrong. She was already up and running around, tossing on some clothes, grabbing her car keys. On the way out the door, she promised, “I’ll be there soon, hang in there, okay?!” |
Isabella Kaylee DwyerWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2017
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