By now, Bella could almost understand what it felt like to be a wild animal, tranquilized and held in captivity. For a while, she felt bad for the work they did at ithemba. The animals there didn’t ask to be rescued, did they? They didn’t ask to be strapped to a table and operated on, trained, rehabilitated… Who was she, and the staff at ithemba, to play gods. Eventually, though, her train of logic slowly returned. With each passing day at the psychiatric hospital, she could feel her sanity returning.
She had flashbacks of moments of mania in which she’d completely lost herself. She felt bad for the episodes that had, no doubt, frightened her family. Worst of all, she felt as though she’d failed as a mother and a wife. She hadn’t sought the help she needed before it was too late. It had to come to this point, where she had to remain in custody of psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists. Day after day, she had to endure therapy sessions, take medications, and be on her best behaviour. It was, indeed, like keeping a wild animal caged. Most of all, she missed her family tremendously. Of course she received visits from Nathan and Belie. However, she’d requested that Nathan kept the kids away. The last thing Bella wanted them to see was their mother in a madhouse. Whenever Nathan visited, however, the visits were short with very little talk except random Ithemba business. It kept them both from addressing the virtual elephant in the room. Finally, Bella felt as if she was able to face her husband. To look him in the eye and apologise. To talk about her illness, embrace it, fix it. Making a phone call, she waited until she heard Nathan’s familiar voice. “I miss you so much,” she told him. “I’m ready to talk.”
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Isabella Kaylee DwyerWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
December 2017
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