Gentle arms wrapped lightly around Amanda’s waist, warm hands perched on her belly. She smiled softly and tilted her head as Niels dropped as soft kiss against her neck. “Let me do that,” he said, referring to the dishes that Amanda was rinsing. “It’s alright,” said Amanda. “It’s nice to be out of bed, actually.”
“How are you feeling? You sound much better.” Amanda nodded. “I’m feeling much better too.” Winter had brought the common cold right into their household, first affecting Elia it seemed and now moving upwards to the adults. Amanda was just glad that her little girl was no longer coughing. It always made Amanda so nervous when Elia started coughing. “Here, let me at least load the dishwasher,” said Niels, taking a rinsed plate right out of Amanda’s hand just as she was about to bend over to load it into the dishwasher. Amanda turned and leaned back against the counter. “Babe? I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s a good time for us to consider moving into a real house. I know we never finished talking about it but… We have only the guest room left, and now we’re welcoming a fourth child. We can use some outdoor space. You know how much Emi loves being outside. Think how much easier that would be with a backyard.” “Absolutely,” said Niels. “We still need a guest room for our family. I mean, now we can always put the baby in with Elia, but you know how light of a sleeper Elia is. It would be mean to put Elia with Emi. She’s turning 11 soon. She needs a space of her own, not with her baby sister, and surely not with a younger brother.” She was really trying to sell her case, but she stopped when she noticed the constant smile on his face. “Go on,” he said. “Wait… you’re actually agreeing?” Niels nodded. Amanda squealed and hugged him as tightly as she could. “Great!” she exclaimed.
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Amanda’s nerves were on edge today. She hated ultrasound days because she kept expecting something to go wrong. Due to her last previous births, the doctors were sure to screen for a variety of problems, but so far things had been well. She was at the halfway mark, hoping for the best. Lying there on the examination table, her shirt pulled up enough to expose her belly, she closed her eyes. All she needed to hear was that everything was fine. Please Kobe.
“Mrs. van Loon,” the doctor called out to her. “You might want to take a look at this.” Amanda opened her eyes and turned towards the monitor, watching it as the doctor began to point out parts of the anatomy. “You can tell Angelo that he will no longer be the only boy,” said the doctor. Amanda’s eyes went misty and tears started to flow. Niels held her hand, pressing kisses against it. Through tears, a wide smile spread across Amanda’s face. Despite the gel smeared on her belly, she moved her hands there, embracing her unborn son. “A boy,” she said, happily tearful. It made things even more real. They were having a fourth child and it was a boy. Their second boy. Somehow it hit her very suddenly and in an unexpectedly positive way. Once the gel was cleaned off her skin, Amanda thanked the doctor, she hugged her husband and then said, “Let’s take the kids baby shopping.” Christmas had been wonderful. Everyone wasn’t in town but Amanda was happy to see Rico’s family for a little while and of course Daphne and Maë as well. Everyone in the van Loon household were in great spirits. Christmas carols and laughter filled the house. With Amanda’s belly growing, Elia was becoming more interested in the baby within. So Christmas was quite centred around Amanda’s growing mound. Christmas wishes were directed towards the baby, hugs were given to Amanda’s belly. In all honestly, it was a tad overwhelming to her.
This was really happening. A fourth child. Kobe… could they even handle a fourth child when they already had two who demanded so much attention. After Christmas, Amanda’s mind was abuzz. She kept trying to imagine holding the baby in her arms. But it was odd. She hadn’t expected to hold a new baby van Loon in her hands any time soon or ever again. She realised that they would not lack a guest bedroom, which was potentially bad because they often had guests. There was always the option of moving two of the kids into the same room but whom? Elia with Emi would be torturous for the older sister. Elia with Angelo wasn’t a good idea when Angelo was already 7. And putting the baby in with Elia… Well maybe that was their best option, but what if the baby constantly woke their light sleeper? They would need to turn the guest bedroom into a nursery. It was an inconvenience. One that shouldn’t be, and Amanda felt like a horrible mother for even thinking that way. Her hand subconsciously caressed her little belly. She could feel the strange, fluttery feeling as the baby moved around. She once found the sensation so magical, but honestly, not so much anymore. It just made things more real and scary. It was around this time last pregnancy she started having health problems wasn’t it? Closing her eyes, she sent up a silent prayer that this one would be different. That everything would work out just fine. Thank you for coming back to class, everyone! For tonight's homework assignment, I've sent all of your parents a link to a film for you to watch at home. It's a documentary but I promise it's not boring. It's quite inspiring to see young dancers be so amazing at their art. Name your favourite dancer from the film First Position and tell me why. Comments #1. *watches the film over and over again and takes a lifetime to decide*
Emily Darcy #2. *laughs* take your time, love. Amanda van Loon #3. I now knoooooooooow. *grins* Emily Darcy Hello ballerinas and ballet dancers! Welcome back to class. It’s good to see your faces again this year. For your first homework assignment, I would like you all to introduce yourselves to the class. Tell us your name, your age, your hobbies, anything at all that you’d like us to know. There’s one twist though! You have to show us your favourite dance move too. My name is Miss Amanda. I’m… old enough to be a mother to all of you. *chuckles* Let’s see… my favourite colour is pink--yes, I’m still a big kid. And speaking of kids, I have three of them. My eldest, Emilia, actually dances as well. She’s very good at it too. Maybe she can come to class one day for a special occasion. My favourite food is Italian, maybe because I’m half Italian and half American, but actually I grew up mainly in London when I was adopted by a lovely family. Oh and soon I’ll be dancing around here with a big belly because I’m actually pregnant. *smiles widely at the students’ reactions* With that being said... one of my favourite moves is a Russian Pas de Chat, however, I can't do that today. Which is why I probably need to bring my daughter Emilia along sometimes. However, I can do another one of my favourites and you can all research what a Russian Pas de Chat is. One of my favourites is a passe because there are so many ways you can do it and it can look different each time. So that’s all. I look forward to seeing your presentations next class! Have a good week. Comments #1. Miiiiiss. Why isit so hard to decide on my favorite ballet move??!
Emily Darcy #2. That miiight just mean that you love so many? *winks* I had a hard time too! Amanda van Loon #3. But I chose one now! Did my homework, teacher! Emily Darcy Amanda could not believe how quickly the past year had gone by. Wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago that Angelo had turned 6? Now, her second born was seven years old. Kobe, time needed to slow down. Angelo was proud to be seven years old. He kept mentioning that now he was 'really truly' a big kid now. "But not as big as Emi," he'd thought to add.
As if Amanda needed to be reminded... There was no big party or family outing this year. Instead, they made all of Angelo's favourites for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The day started off with chocolate chip waffles and some fresh, homemade fruit punch. For lunch they had strawberry jam sandwiches with strawberry milk (though Emi had made chocolate milk for herself). Then for dinner, they made pizzas. Angelo's favourite meal of the day, however, had been the cake. Chocolate, vanilla marble cake with blue buttercream frosting. At the end of the day, Amanda tucked Angelo in, kissing his forehead and ruffling his hair. Once a lighter blonde colour, it was slowly darkening. "So now that you're a 'big boy' what do you want most of all?" Amanda asked. Angelo looked at her with excited, blue eyes. "I'd like to row a rowboat!" Amanda laughed lightly. "Okay, birthday boy. That can be arranged." The metro to the doctor’s office seemed to take forever. Amanda sat, clutching her bag on her lap, wondering if she was truly making the right decision. Would it put a strain on her marriage if she did this? It wasn’t as though she was getting her tubes tied, just an IUD. Even so, that meant she was denying Niels what he truly wanted. Kobe, why did things have to be so complicated? Why did Elia have to have that episode up just when Amanda was getting to like the idea of another baby?
As Amanda left the subway station and began walking towards the doctor, she sent up a prayer to Kobe. That Niels would understand how she felt and be ok with it. They'd always been on the same page when it came to these important life decisions. It was awkward having different opinions for something so important. Before entering the private practice, Amanda took a deep breath. There were no other patients there as opening time. The receptionist smiled warmly at Amanda and after paperwork was filled out, Amanda was immediately led to the examination room. First there needed to be urine and blood samples just to make sure that everything was alright. They had a lab right on the premises it only took minutes for the results. Amanda sat on the examination table, mentally telling herself over and over that things would be fine. That this was the right decision. They could focus on the children they did have and make sure that Elia got the best care and the attention possible. It was her doctor’s voice that brought her out of her thoughts. “Amanda?” The doctor pulled a tall stool close to Amanda and sat down, a clipboard in hand. “Well, your tests came back and you are in good health. Everything seems fine.” A sigh of relief left Amanda’s lips. “There’s just one thing that will prevent you from the implantation today.” Amanda looked at the doctor questionably. What could it possibly be? Should she be worried? “Amanda... Your hCG levels show that you're pregnant.” (cont’d from Niels)
How was it possible that a wonderful day could take such a drastic dive for the worse? As Niels and Amanda drove home from the hospital, there was nothing but silence in the car. Elia was a tad fussy when she was first strapped into her car seat but she soon fell asleep and remained so even as Amanda carried her into their Paris villa. Amanda was grateful to Daphne for looking after the kids at such a short notice. The day had been meant for strengthening bonds; spending time with Daphne and Maë while they were all in Paris, rather than it turning to a disastrous emergency all because Elia was being a normal 3-year-old. Allergies. Asthma. Kobe, what a toll it could take on a little body. Elia wasn’t willing to sleep in her bed and woke immediately as Amanda lay her down. In the end, Amanda crawled into her own bed with her toddler and lay beside her, patting her gently until she fell asleep again. Had they almost lost her, again, today? Amanda liked to think not. They’d done everything they were supposed to. The inhaler, instructing her to deep breathe, and of course rushing her to the hospital as soon as her coughing fit grew more severe. So if they’d done everything right, why did Amanda feel like the worst mother in the world? Niels joined her and Elia in the bedroom. His and Amanda’s bodies framed their youngest’s. Amanda sighed and looked down at Elia. As strong and demanding as the little one behaved, it was sometimes hard to remember that she was fragile. The combination of pollen or grasses and physical exertion was just too much for her to handle, which made it difficult in general for her to have normal fun. “We have to remember to schedule an appointment with the immunotherapist once we get back to New York,” Amanda told Niels. He nodded. “Yes, indeed. I really hope that’s the answer.” “A miracle is the answer,” said Amanda. She sighed. “I know we talked about this and I said that maybe…but...I...” She paused and bit her lip. How did she say this without breaking her husband’s heart? She knew its desires too well to know that there was no gentle way to say it. “No more children,” she said quietly. She couldn’t meet his gaze. “I think we have enough on our plates.” She took Niels’ hands in hers, laced her fingers through his and kissed the back of his hand. “I’m sorry.” Elia was comfortably tucked in and didn't even stir when Amanda got up from the bed. She went into her drawer and took out a baby monitor. "I'll go get some batteries to put in this thing," she said, looking down. "And Niels? I'm... going to go to OBGYN when we get back to New York. I think it's time for a more long-term birth control. So we can focus on this little one." |
Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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