Amanda felt like a terrible person. While she sat at her brother’s funeral, grieving his death, the thought recurring in her mind was: this couldn’t have been a worse timing. The previous day was her mum’s birthday and New Year’s Eve, today was the start of a brand new day, and the following day was to be Niels’ birthday. Amanda couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed that all of this had to happen in the midst of what was supposed to be a celebratory time.
Why Eli? Why now? Why didn’t he take greater precautions to protect himself? As far as Amanda had heard, he was walking in one of the more unsafe settings. In an expensive suit! What was he thinking? Eli was a scholar, a smarty-pants, a know-it-all. But even that couldn’t save him. Life always took the world’s most prized loved ones. Sandro, Ambra, Roy, Daphne, and once upon a time, Maë… just to name a few. The immediate family sat together in the front rows of the temple. Then again, Eli didn’t really have a lot of friends save for Elena, an older gentleman who Amanda did not know, and another guy around Eli’s age who looked like the incarnate of nerdism. The ceremony was routine. A few supposedly-comforting words from the priest, a poem read, and a few eulogies from family like Belie, Rico, and even Aubrey. Looking around, Amanda realized that Bella and Rico shared a similar expression with her. An odd combination: grief mixed with numbness. It was obvious that Ceci had also experienced her share of deaths. Would it ever stop? At the gravesite, Amanda huddled close to Niels, Nicco and Elia clutching her hands, Angelo and Emi trying to be strong. Looking around, Amanda found it quite ironic. The whole family was here. Bella’s and her family, Rico and his family, Aelin and the girls, of course, Rhys and Kenna, and not to mention Teun’s side of the family who had become closer than any blood relatives. A tiny hint of a smile came to Amanda’s lips. “Well Eli,” she said as she kissed a rose before tossing it onto the casket six feet below. “You managed to do one amazing thing here. You got the whole family together again. I’ll miss you, little brother. You were really one of the good people.”
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It was still difficult, trying to wrap her head around all the details of her youngest brother’s death. She couldn’t understand how someone so innately good had been killed so violently. Part of her was also angry at Aelin for keeping the new from them for so long. Yes, there had been problems with transporting his body. There were legal and foreign matters at hand, and yes she had her hands full with two young children, but she could’ve asked for help.
Despite all of this, Amanda couldn’t remain angry with Aelin. The woman was hurt so deep down inside that Amanda wondered if there was an hope of her heart being mend. She couldn’t imagine being in Aelin’s situation. What if Niels died and left Amanda alone with the children? At least Amanda had older children: Eli’s girls were only 4 and 5 years old. Did they even understand death yet? There was no consoling Aelin. As much as Amanda didn’t want to leave her alone, she ended up volunteering to look after the girls and give Aelin time to properly grieve on her own. The funeral was quickly upcoming… on New Year’s Day, Ironic…. Starting the year off with a farewell to a lost loved one. There was no real time for Amanda to grieve. Instead, she’d picked up the reins and informed her siblings of their youngest brother’s death. Rosa was absolutely heartbroken. She’d tried to make the calls, but they’d proven to be too much for her. Three and an ex-husband dead by now… Amanda could totally understand, but she couldn’t and didn’t want to imagine how her mother felt. The calls to her siblings had been made in random order. Rico first, then Bella - who would pass the message on to Belie. Teun was to pass the message on to the rest of his side of the family. Eli believed in leaving a legacy behind. He believed in history and living through memories and relics. The family would always make sure that the kids knew what an amazing father they had.. Before the end of the day, all the van Loons and Barthels who were once part of Eli’s life would know of his death. His childhood friends would know. By the end of the day, Elias Jeremy Barthel would truly be gone from this earth, but never from the hearts of those his life touched |
Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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