She'd made a full recovery. There was no throbbing headache, no dizziness, no nausea. With her blood pressure under control once again, today Amanda was released to go home, but Eliana's fate was unknown. It had been a rough few days. The first 48 hours were scary. In that time, Eliana had spontaneously stopped breathing twice. She'd always resumed as though nothing happened, but it scared Amanda half to death.
She stood in the NICU now, gnawing on her lower lip while she watched Niels fawn over their newest family member. The kids were home with Rosa and Teun, waiting excitedly to hear that their little sister would be coming home today, but secretly Amanda hoped that wouldn't be the case. As much as she wanted her baby girlwith her , Eliana was safer in the hospital. She had 24-hour care and constant surveillance. If something were to go wrong, she had a competent staff readily available to fix it. "Love?" Niels' gentle voice brought her back to the present. "Ready?" he asked. He smiled excitedly. Eliana was comfortably buckled into her car seat, ready for the test. She looked so minuscule in the car seat; it was almost swallowing her whole. Amanda nodded and then the neonatal nurse went on to explain again that they'd be monitoring the baby's pulse and oxygen levels for 30 minutes of her sitting in the car seat. Often, the stats of low-weight infants dropped while in a car seat, so the test would determine if she was strong enough to survive the trip home. Amanda's mind strayed again, but before she knew it the test was over. Eliana was still peacefully asleep, her stats stable as a healthy, full-term baby. "We can take her home!" Niels exclaimed. But without warning, Amanda burst into tears. Of happiness, of fear... Niels' arms surrounded her. "Hey... We can do this," he promised. "She's a fighter. She'll be okay. We'll be okay. I promise."
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It was really happening. Their baby girl was coming into the world whether or not they were ready. Amanda clung to Niels’ hand with all her might, tears streaming down her face. “I’m scared,” she said. “I want to keep her safe longer. I’m not ready.”
“You’re ready,” Niels assured. “We’re ready.” “No,” she cried. “Love, you need to push,” said Niels. She pressed a kiss against the back of Amanda’s hand. The doctor was waiting patiently, but he glanced at Niels as if to say ‘we’re running out of time’. Since last night, it had been top priority to keep Amanda as calm as possible so that her blood pressure returned to normal. Fortunately, she was stable, but another spike in her blood pressure and the baby could go into distress. Niels knew this, but he didn’t want to scare Amanda. “Baby… you can do this,” he whispered to her. “I know you can.” Amanda reached down deep inside of herself to muster up all the energy she could find. She had to have faith that her baby girl would be alright. She closed her eyes and squeezed Niels’ hand tightly, bearing down as the doctor instructed, until at last she felt the weight of her baby leave her body. “It’s a girl,” the doctor announced, but she’d quickly handed the baby off to a nurse. “Why isn’t she crying?” Amanda asked. “Is she okay? Can I see her? Is my baby okay?!” “She’s in good hands,” the doctor assured. “Our NICU here is very reliable. They will take good care--” “No,” Amanda interrupted. “Please, let me hold her first.” The nurse glanced uncertainly at the doctor, but then brought brought the tiny bundle, wrapped in the receiving blanket to Amanda. She placed the fragile little infant on Amanda’s chest for her to see. “Oh,” Amanda said. A half sigh, half sob. She rubbed the baby’s back, holding her against her chest, watching as her cheeks pinked up with life. And then there was that first cry. A soft whimper that gradually became an intermittent wail. “She’s so tiny,” Amanda whispered in awe. She kissed the crown of her baby’s head. “She’s perfect,” said Niels. Amanda smiled. “Hello, Eliana,” she said, smiling tearfully at the fragile newborn in her arms. “Ma’am,” said the nurse. “We should get her on oxygen. I’ll bring her right back to you, I promise.” Amanda nodded and allowed Niels to take the baby and hand her off to the nurse. She wanted to cry, having her baby taken away from her so soon, but she knew it was for the best. The nurse announced the baby’s weight: exactly 4 pounds/1.81 kilograms. She was tiny, but Amanda hoped she was strong. She sent up a silent prayer. After what seemed like an eternity later, the nurse brought the baby back into the room. She was wearing the cutest little hat and was fast asleep. “We have a good samaritan who loves making these little hats for the preemies. Warm and cute at the same time.” She winked at Amanda and lifted the baby from the incubator. “She’s breathing better, but we’ll have to keep our eyes on her to make sure that she continues improving.” Amanda nodded and held her arms out to take the little baby. Niels sat beside Amanda, looking down at the teeny little human being. She really was cute, especially for having arrived weeks before she had been due. Amanda chuckled. “You’ll have a remarkable story to tell when you’re older,” she said. “Your daddy and I gave you the middle name Summer before you were even born, but here you are.. in the spring.” “You share a birthday with your big sis,” Niels added. “You’ll love her. And your big brother too.” Amanda was exhausted, yet she couldn’t seem to find sleep. She continued walking around the house, changing her position every time she felt another twinge in her stomach. “Love, are you sure you’re okay?” Niels asked, wandering into the kitchen where Amanda was making a cup of tea.
“Yeah, just those false contractions again,” she said. She softly rubbed her stomach. “You don’t look well,” said Niels. Amanda glanced at him. Indeed, she wasn’t feeling well, but she wasn’t about to admit that to her worried hubby. “Here, you relax. Put your feet up,” he told her. Amanda nodded and complied, letting Niels lead her into a seat. He made sure that she put her feet up, but immediately a frown tugged on the corners of his lips. “Your ankles are swollen,” he said. “You know you’re supposed to be relaxing.” “I’m fine,” said Amanda. She rubbed her temples; another headache was coming on. Niels continued frowning, but he left her side for a moment to make her a cup of tea. He returned to her, placing the cup on the table in front of her. “I’m worried about you,” he said, softly dropping a kiss onto her forehead. “Perhaps we should go to the doctor tomorrow.” Amanda opened her mouth to protest, but one look at Niels’ face and she knew there was no arguing. “Alright,” she said. She lifted the cup and sipped the tea slowly. Meanwhile, they spoke of Emilia’s birthday. “I’m sure she’d love a picnic at the park,” said Niels. “That way you could relax too.” Amanda nodded. “Come on, let’s get you to bed,” said Niels. He helped her up and they walked towards the bedroom together. “What time is it?” Amanda inquired. “Nearly midnight,” said Niels. Amanda was already dressed for bed, so all there was left to do was to climb in beneath the warmth of the sheets. She still couldn’t seem to find sleep, so she cuddled up against Niels while they tried to find something on TV to watch. Another twinge. Eventually the pain melted away. Moments later, her phone notified her of a text message. She reached out to grab her phone from the side table and discovered a text from Dawn. “She’s in labour,” she she told Niels. It was always exciting news when a child decided to come into the world. Amanda texted Dawn back, wishing her luck, then she cuddled up against Niels again. She caressed her stomach gently. It would be a while before they got to meet their baby girl, but perhaps they’d be able to meet Dawn’s baby girl soon. Suddenly, Amanda felt a rush of nausea and sat up in a hurry. She didn’t even have the time to warn Niels before she struggled to get up from the bed and rush off towards the bathroom. By the time she’d emptied her stomach, her head was spinning. Luckily, Niels was right there to support her, holding her hair back while she retched once more. She barely noticed the worry on his face after she’d washed her mouth out. Nor did she clearly hear him when he asked her if she was alright. As she made it back to the bedroom, it seemed that the earth had shifted beneath her feet. She grappled for the wall, only to grasp empty air and stumble into Niels’ arms. “Baby?” he held on to her, looking into her eyes. “Just a bit… dizzy…” she admitted. “And my head—” Hurts, she wanted to add. Yet before she could finish her sentence, she felt something more painful travel from her back and tear through her stomach. She groaned and doubled over at the waist. That didn’t feel like false contractions. “Okay, you need to sit down,” said Niels. He quickly led her to the bed, but before they could get there, Amanda stopped abruptly and looked down. She could feel the warm sensation dripping down her legs. Fear spread through her like a cold splash of water, making her whimper and cling to Niels. “No…” she whispered. “It’s too soon.” Niels stared down as well, unsure of how to react. “It’s too soon,” Amanda repeated tearfully. The Brazilian air had done her well. When she'd left New York last week, she'd been feeling quite unwell. She'd returned to New York, feeling refreshed. Looking back, she still continuously smiled. With their parents watching their children, they were able to escape the everyday chaos of child rearing for a moment, catch their bearings, dream about what life would be like once their newest bundle of joy arrived in the summer time.
Spring was here now and all the kids wanted to do was go outside. So once again, they were all heading out towards the common playground, shared by the other residents. "I wan' to swing!" Angel exclaimed excitedly, running towards the swing set. "I'll push you!" Emi volunteered, running after him. Amanda smiled, walking slowly along with them. Niels put her arm around her lower back. "Are you okay, baby?" he inquired. "More than okay," Amanda said with a smile. "I'll be even better once we make it to that bench," she added. She laughed softly and sat down clumsily once they made it there. She admired her children playing. "I can't believe that we'll have three of those," said Niels. "Well technically we'll have two of those and one screaming, wiggling little dependent," Amanda said, giggling. Niels grinned. "Ah yes, another screaming, wiggling dependent. Can't be that bad or else we wouldn't be having number three, right?" "Right," said Amanda. She turned her attention back towards the kids. "Not bad at all," she said. "I'm really starting to get used to the idea, by now." She smiled and caressed her belly. Part of her hoped that summer would come sooner, and the other part wanted time to slow down. Were they ready? She sure hoped so. Amanda adjusted as she felt yet another twinge in her belly. She shifted around on the couch, rubbing her sides. “Babe?” Niels questioned as he walked into the living room.
“I’m ok. Braxton-Hicks,” she explained. She shifted yet again, sighing when the pain disappeared. “See?” She tried to smile at him but it looked more like a grimace. She looked as fretful as she felt despite her best efforts to seem fine. For hours she’d been trying to coax herself off the couch to shower and retire to bed, as early as it was, but she simply didn’t have the energy. The kids were still running around; Angelo was no doubt fighting sleep. They could tell her was tired, but he simply didn’t want to go to bed. Every time Niels tried to capture him, he’d only scream “nooo” and wriggle out of his hands again. Emi wasn’t much help either, dancing around and insisting that Amanda checked out her new ‘choreography’. “Emi, sweetie. Give mummy a break, okay?” Niels had said several times. But once Emi was in a dancing mood, there was just no stopping her. Amanda’s head was starting to throb. After a while, she couldn’t take all of the noise anymore. She pushed herself off the couch and had to steady herself, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass before she walked further. Before her vision fully cleared, she felt Niels gently grasp her elbow. “Let’s get you to bed and then I’ll get the kids to bed,” he told her. She nodded and followed him in silence. She could hear Angelo whining about her leaving but she didn’t have the energy to reply to him. Somehow, she managed to climb into the shower and return to bed, only to hear her children whining outside of her door. “But I just want to say nighty night,” Emi was saying. “Let them in,” Amanda called out. She watched as the door opened and in ran Emi and Angelo. “Careful,” Niels managed to say before the kids hopped into bed and cuddled close to Amanda. Angelo climbed into her lap, hugging her belly more than the rest of her, while Emi maneuvered Amanda’s arm around her body so that she held on to her. There was no resisting the smile that spread across her face. As drained of energy as she felt, as annoying as they could be, it was this little family of hers that kept her going on a daily basis. She kissed the top of her little ones’ foreheads and bid them good night before Niels whisked them away to their own rooms. Alone, Amanda gently stroked her belly. It was all worth it. “Are you sure you aren’t cold?” Niels asked yet again.
“Baby, as I’ve said each time: I’m sure.” Though, technically, it wasn’t warm enough to walk around outdoors in a short-sleeved shirt, the Tuscan sun was enough to warm Amanda up. Perhaps it was some strange hormonal thing, but she felt fine. “Stop worrying about me. It’s your birthday. Relax.” She smiled and pecked his lips softly. Niels smiled back at her. “Okay,” he resigned. The kids were inside with cousin Isa, helping her prepare a freshly baked pie. It gave Amanda and Niels the opportunity to take a before-noon walk and visit the horses before the kids claimed all of their attention. “So… 29, huh?” asked Amanda. “Weren’t you just that little 10-year-old boy who loved to climb and play tag?" Niels chuckled and ran his hand through his hair. “It sure feels like it.” Amanda nodded. She took his hand in hers, her thumb softly stroking the back of his hand. She could still remember the sleepover they’d had for Niels’ 11th birthday, along with Niels’ younger sister Marit. Things had been so different then, so less complicated, but she didn’t regret a moment since then. Everything had occurred for a reason, leading up to this point—where she could gaze into the dreamy blue eyes of her beloved husband. He wasn’t a cute little boy anymore, but he was sure handsome. “Do you want to get the horses saddled up and such before we grab the kids or do you think Emi would be disappointed that she didn’t get to help?” Niels asked, snapping Amanda out of her thoughts. “Emi would be disappointed,” they said at the same time. They both dissolved into laughter. “Hey…” Niels said after a while. “This is our baby girl’s first Tuscan vacation… although she can’t quite experience it.” Amanda giggled. “How about we take a picture so we can show her when she’s older?” She was obviously teasing but Niels thought it to be a good idea nonetheless. “Let’s!” he exclaimed. “Baby… I was joking!” Amanda laughed as Niels pulled her towards the fence. “Stand right there…” he said. Amanda rolled her eyes fondly but she stood there just as he asked. Even at 29, he looked as excited as his 10-year-old self. Some things never changed and never needed to. Silence… The comfortable, blissful silence. Amanda and Niels lay in bed, simply listening to the sounds of their own breathing. There were no playful screams or cries for attention from their children. No beeping ovens to remind them that dinner was ready. Just them. Amanda chuckled after a moment. “We better get back to our parents and the kids,” she said. “We’ve been away pretty long.”
“Hmm….” Niels wrapped his arms around her. “There’s always traffic in Manhattan.” He gave her a goofy grin, making her laugh. “What do you think about us taking a break from all of this city life? Get some fresh air, spend some time with some wonderful equine friends.” Amanda gasped. “Tuscany?” she asked, beaming from ear to ear. “Can you think of a better way to start the New Year?” Amanda shook her head. “We have a lot to celebrate. My wife getting her official teaching certification, our kids growing nicely, our baby girl…” He let his hand slide over her belly, feeling the baby kick. “See? She approves.” Amanda laughed softly. “Oh gosh… you two ganging up on me already?” She smiled. “Okay, well… let’s get back to our parents’ suite and we’ll see.” She smiled lovingly at him. "Oh and baby? Happy new year..." Emi was still busy skipping around the house, celebrating the gender of her new sibling. Amanda chuckled. It meant they didn't have to buy a whole new round of baby clothes this time around. There were hand-me-downs to be passed on--cute little dresses, bows, teeny-tiny shoes... Amanda just adored little girl clothing. Of course little boy clothing was cute too, but there was just something so sweet and adorable about little girl stuff.
Niels found Amanda, sorting through Emi's baby clothes. She'd found an entire box of little shoes. "Oooh!" she squealed. "Remember this one?" She held up a pair of silvery shoes. "I just loved dressing Emi up with this one. It looked so cute on her little feet. Oh and this one!" She beamed and closed the box before standing up. She lifted the box, but Niels plucked it right from her hands. "I'll take that," he said. "And where are you putting these anyway?" Amanda chuckled. "To the nursery." "Love, we haven't even finished the nursery. And you should be resting." He rolled his eyes fondly and took Amanda's arm, gently leading her to a chair. "A sister?!" Emi exclaimed as she ran past the room once again. Amanda laughed softly. Angelo ran into the room, climbing into Amanda's lap despite Niels' warning for him to be careful. "Litt'e siste'?" he asked, poking Amanda's round belly. "Yup," said Amanda. "A little sister." “Baby, I really think you should stay home,” Niels said for the thousandth time. He followed Amanda to the door.
“I’ll just be sitting down. I’ll be fine,” she assured yet again. Niels sighed and helped her into her coat. He kept glancing at her with those pleading blue eyes. She knew he was worried, but she also knew she would be fine. Even the doctor had given her the okay. After all, she would only be sitting in a classroom. “Are you sure about this?” Niels asked. “You still weren’t feeling well just last night. Maybe it’s your body trying to tell you that this is a bad idea.” Amanda tiptoes to press a soft kiss against his cheek. “I feel fine,” she told him. Niels sighed again, but after a brief moment, he ventured into the closet and pulled out his own jacket. “What are you doing?” Amanda inquired. “Driving you,” said Niels. As Amanda was about to protest, Niels quickly pecked her lips. “No buts,” he said. “One moment.” He ran off to tell Rosa and Teun that he’d be back shortly. The kids ran to the door to give Amanda goodbye hugs and kisses. Shortly after, Niels and Amanda were in the elevator, heading to the underground parking garage. "You really don't have to do this," Amanda told him. "I do," Niels retorted. He gave her hand a soft squeeze. "I'm tempted to even sit in class with you." Amanda's look of alarm made him chuckle. "But I won't," he said. With the traffic, it took a bit longer than expected for them to arrive at the university. And then Niels insisted on walking Amanda in. Before they headed inside, he pulled her close. "If you feel even the slightest unwell, call me okay? You promise?" "I promise," Amanda told him. "Good." He smiled and kissed her softly, his free hand cradling her belly. "Take care of you two," he said with a wink. "I will," Amanda said chuckling. "We'll be fine." |
Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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