No matter how many times Amanda reminded herself that Angelo was 10 years old, she couldn’t seem to believe it. Wasn’t he just that little, helpless newborn that she held in her arms? Now it embarrassed him if she gave him as much as a kiss on the cheek in public. If she even so much as ruffled his hair and called him cute, his cheeks turned rosy red. He was officially double digits now, rapidly heading towards adolescence. Kobe, no. Amanda hoped that time will slow down. She was already the mother of a teenager; she wasn’t yet ready to be the mother of two teens.
Angelo hadn’t quite wanted to do anything special. He was easily content that way. Still, they’d spent a day at the sea and then taken him to a shop to get a new boat for his collection. Emi had insisted on getting him a lego set as well, ‘to keep him occupied and out of her room’. Amanda was still chuckling at the notion. They were getting to those ages where they needed their space; especially Emi. Unexpectedly, the gift had turned into a family project that lasted hours and hours. Nearly an entire day, in fact. But at last, they’d managed to create an amazing lego ship. Late on Thursday night, Amanda and Niels were still sitting at the table in the family room, staring at the result of their family’s effort. “I so love our family,” said Amanda. “So do I,” Niels agreed. “I still can’t believe he’s 10.” She shook her head. “They’re growing up so quickly.”
0 Comments
The past month had been quite a sad one for the van Loons. But after Niels’ surprise to Amanda on her birthday, she’d been able to find a bit of happiness again. Niels and Amanda's conversations had been dominated by negativity, bu tonight would be different. The kids were with Zelda for and Amanda and Niels were on the campgrounds outside of town. As they sat around the campfire, Niels’ arms around Amanda, there was silence except for the crackling of the campfire. “Let's make some s'mores,” Amanda said with a childlike grin after a while. Quickly, they got out all the ingredients and soon their fingers were sticky with molten chocolate and marshmallows. It was quite funny, though. “Remember the first camping trip I invited you to? When we were kids?” Amanda asked.
“Of course I do.” “I can’t believe we’ve been married for 14 years. We’ve truly had quite a lifetime of adventures huh?” “And it’s not over yet.” Niels leaned close and gave Amanda a sticky kiss that made her laugh. She got out some baby wipes to clean the their fingers and faces. “So what’s next for the van Loon family?” She looked at him curiously. “I don’t know." Niels caressed her face. “We’ve lived in the most amazing cities: London, Paris, New York. I guess we'll have to see where our hearts lead us next.” “What if... We do a bit of travelling with the kids? Maybe when Nicco’s a little older? I was reminded this month of how short life is. We have to… live it.” “I agree, love.” Niels’ arms came around her again. “We’ll discuss it another time. But right now… I've been married to my wife for 14 years and I'm all alone with her tonight.” Niels grinned. “I don’t know about you, but I plan to make the best of tonight.” Amanda smiled. “Oh? And how do you plan that?” Niels lips gently touched hers. “You’ll just have to wait and see.” Anguish. It wasn’t even a strong enough word to describe the agony Amanda felt. She remained, kneeling there in front of the tombstones, her brain buzzing with so many thoughts. There was a deep, intense, gut-wrenching feeling inside of her. How could she not have known? Her friend, Eliana’s, had been going through this… guilt and Kobe knew what else, all on her own. She’d been right here in London in the moments leading up to her self-inflicted death. Amanda felt her stomach turn each time she thought back to Daphne’s ashen face, lifeless, lying there in the morgue. Luckily, they didn’t have to see little Maëlys. The toddler had already been buried. ‘In a better place’ people always said when their loved ones died. But the little one wasn’t in a better place. Her place was supposed to be with her mum, with her Kobefamily. Alive, happy and thriving. No amount of flowers and gifts brought to her grave could bring her back. Part of Amanda felt at fault. She shouldn’t have assumed that Daphne just didn’t want to talk to them; she should’ve reached out to her. Perhaps if she had, both Daphne and Maë would be alive today. Maybe if Amanda had never met them, they’d be alive. That first day when Amanda answered Daphne’s post in the mommy’s online forum… maybe it was a mistake. By now, Amanda should know that those connected to her didn’t live a long life. So it seemed anyway.
Her biological parents, her sisters, her brothers, her adoptive father… Their lives were filled with death. “Baby, there was nothing you could’ve done,” Niels said for the zillionth time. He wrapped his arms around her while he knelt next to her, holding her tight as her tears watered the ground at the burial site. “Yes there is. I could’ve shown her that there was still a reason to live, that she could still have a future, that we were there for her… Maybe we should’ve volunteered to babysit our Kobedaughter while Daphne had to travel, then nothing would’ve happened to her!” “We didn’t know,” Niels reminded her. “We should’ve!” Niels said no more. He only held her in his arms and let her weep until she was too tired to continue. They walked out of the cemetery slowly. Amanda felt exhausted with grief. She wished she could turn back the hands of time. Back in the hotel, were the things Daphne had left behind. A letter to her deceased toddler and a letter to Eliana along with a crucifix necklace. Amanda and Niels was uncertain how to explain it to their children. Death was never easy to explain to the child, especially one that was self-inflicted. The death of a child was even more difficult to explain to another child. Maybe one day when Elia was ready, Amanda and Niels would show her the letter her kobemother had left behind, along with the necklace. For now, she’d learn one of the hardest lessons in her young life. That nothing was permanent. Where had the time gone? Amanda couldn’t believe that Nicco was two years old today. Two years! Had it really been that long? A few other birthdays were celebrated today also: Dawn’s, Floor’s.
“Your birthday is quite a popular one, little man,” Amanda said as she placed him down in the kitchen. “Yeah!” Nicco agreed. Amanda chuckled as she continued working on Nicco’s birthday cake. It was just a matter of layering and adding the final decorations. She hoped everyone would like it. [image=http://i.imgur.com/OGqmtrh.jpg?1] Nicco was sitting on the floor, playing with his toy car. “You know, Emilia spent her early years in in Paris. Angelo and Eliana grew in New York.” Amanda glanced over her shoulder at her toddler. “How do you feel about London? You think you’ll like it here better?” “Yeah.” “But what about your aunt and uncle in New York. You’d miss them too much, wouldn’t you?” “Yeah.” Amanda grinned. “Thanks, Nicco. Some help you’ve been.” She laughed and covered the cake before scooping her toddler up. “So here’s the deal: once daddy and your siblings get home from the grocery shop, we’ll all go to the park. Then later, everyone’s coming over to celebrate with you. Deal?” “Deal!” |
Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
Categories |