(cont’d from Niels)
How was it possible that a wonderful day could take such a drastic dive for the worse? As Niels and Amanda drove home from the hospital, there was nothing but silence in the car. Elia was a tad fussy when she was first strapped into her car seat but she soon fell asleep and remained so even as Amanda carried her into their Paris villa. Amanda was grateful to Daphne for looking after the kids at such a short notice. The day had been meant for strengthening bonds; spending time with Daphne and Maë while they were all in Paris, rather than it turning to a disastrous emergency all because Elia was being a normal 3-year-old. Allergies. Asthma. Kobe, what a toll it could take on a little body. Elia wasn’t willing to sleep in her bed and woke immediately as Amanda lay her down. In the end, Amanda crawled into her own bed with her toddler and lay beside her, patting her gently until she fell asleep again. Had they almost lost her, again, today? Amanda liked to think not. They’d done everything they were supposed to. The inhaler, instructing her to deep breathe, and of course rushing her to the hospital as soon as her coughing fit grew more severe. So if they’d done everything right, why did Amanda feel like the worst mother in the world? Niels joined her and Elia in the bedroom. His and Amanda’s bodies framed their youngest’s. Amanda sighed and looked down at Elia. As strong and demanding as the little one behaved, it was sometimes hard to remember that she was fragile. The combination of pollen or grasses and physical exertion was just too much for her to handle, which made it difficult in general for her to have normal fun. “We have to remember to schedule an appointment with the immunotherapist once we get back to New York,” Amanda told Niels. He nodded. “Yes, indeed. I really hope that’s the answer.” “A miracle is the answer,” said Amanda. She sighed. “I know we talked about this and I said that maybe…but...I...” She paused and bit her lip. How did she say this without breaking her husband’s heart? She knew its desires too well to know that there was no gentle way to say it. “No more children,” she said quietly. She couldn’t meet his gaze. “I think we have enough on our plates.” She took Niels’ hands in hers, laced her fingers through his and kissed the back of his hand. “I’m sorry.” Elia was comfortably tucked in and didn't even stir when Amanda got up from the bed. She went into her drawer and took out a baby monitor. "I'll go get some batteries to put in this thing," she said, looking down. "And Niels? I'm... going to go to OBGYN when we get back to New York. I think it's time for a more long-term birth control. So we can focus on this little one."
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Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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