“I was lucky to have two fathers. One who brought me into this world and one who raised me as his own. We didn’t always get along. Especially in those teen years when my love for Niels was deeper than any girl my age should love. I didn’t understand then that my father was trying to protect me from unseen dangers. I didn’t know his protectiveness was an act of love rather than of control. All I knew was that he was trying to keep me closer for just a bit longer. That he was trying to guard my heart from pain. I learned from a young age that there were consequences to everything; even the most beautiful of things. I learned that love had so many levels. That it wasn’t just physical or verbal. You didn’t need to tell someone constantly that you loved them in order to know so. You don’t have to necessarily tell someone that you forgive them for them to know…”
Amanda paused, trying to regain her composure. The tears were hot behind her eyes and a tight knot was forming in her throat. She took a deep breath. “I know quite a few of us didn’t get the chance to tell our father, Lorenzo and Jari one last time that we loved them. Or depending on the scenario that we forgave them… or even that we’re sorry. But I have to believe that wherever they are, they know that they were loved, forgiven, and that we were sorry for any problems we may have caused while they were alive.” The words of Amanda’s eulogy echoed in her head hours after the funeral. She walked around Niels’ flat, glancing at all of the pictures on the wall. Of the happy childhood that she’d been lucky to have when she walked into the Barthels’ lives at age six. She’d learned the love of a father. She’d experienced luxury. She’d traveled all over the world. She’d been given the chance to learn from some of the best private ballet instructors. Standing in front of a picture of her and Roy, she smiled widely now. “Wherever you are…” she whispered to the picture on the wall. “Thank you.”
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Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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