Amanda held on to the railing of the hospital crib, letting tears fall. "What did I do wrong? First Angelo had to spend the first years of his life going to hundreds of physical therapy sessions. The pain, the numbness in his arm... and we still have to keep our eyes on it. And now our baby girl, born prematurely, struggled to survive her first days on this earth... and it's resulted in this?"
Niels hugged her tightly. “Sssssssh love…” he whispered. “You didn’t do anything wrong… It’s a cruel joke of fate that we have to endure this, but Angelo’s getting through it all fine, his arm seems to be better, and I’m sure our little Elia will manage to overcome this…” Amanda couldn’t seem to stop crying. She looked at their youngest child, so fragile, lying there in the hospital crib. There was an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, a few wires monitoring her pulse and oxygen levels, and a small butterfly needle pumping antibiotics into her little body. Bronchitis--no knowledge of whether it was acute or chronic--and asthma. It could improve with time; Elia could possibly outgrow it, but for now, she was in the hospital, hooked up to machines just as she’d been as a newborn. It broke Amanda’s heart. Even after hours of sitting there at Elia’s crib side, doing research of her own with Niels right there beside her. After finding many ways Elia’s illness could be managed. She still felt uneasy. Like this was her fault. Had she done something wrong? Physically? Spiritually? Was this karma? Was this Fate trying to tell her that they weren’t meant to have any more children? She couldn’t help but think the worse. Niels left the hospital to collect Emi and Angel from Bella’s place. Bella had been the only person available to babysit last minute, and both Niels and Amanda knew she hated babysitting. Later that day, when Niels called to check on Amanda and Elia, Amanda suddenly blurted out, “I think this is it. No more baby van Loons. I’m done.”
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Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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