Since their return from Tuscany, Amanda spent a lot of time reflecting. There, in the open meadows, beneath the clear skies, she’d been more aware of how miniscule they were in the universe. Compared to the planet, the sun and the stars, they were… nothing. She wondered at times if others looked upon her family with that same mentality. If her biological family thought of her as just another diminutive being in a world of people.
She thought about them sometimes. She considered contacting her father so he would have the chance to meet his granddaughter. At times, even her sisters crossed her mind. She wondered how her niece was doing. Did her niece have any idea that somewhere in this world she had a cousin and an aunt who had been excited for her birth? Life was so fragile. One moment, Amanda had been looking forward to being an aunt. To Emilia having a little cousin to grow up with. To her parents (the ones who'd raised) delighting in their new grandchild. Yet oh how quickly everything had fallen apart. Her estrangement from her sister, the divorce of her parents, the loss of friends she’d once considered family. It was as if they didn’t even matter. Even 2 years later, it still stung. Yet, looking at her toddler, who was intently watched Sesame Street on Niels' laptop, Amanda knew that their lives did matter. They had a thriving toddler. A happy little girl who loved to dance and frolic barefooted in the grass. Who loved horses and chocolate milk. Who, one moment, threw tantrums when she didn’t want to go to sleep but the next moment would climb into her parents’ lap and tell them how much she 'wuved' them. Emilia was a constant reminder that no matter how alone they felt in this wide world, they were important. To Emilia, they were the world.
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Amanda at a GlanceNames: Amanda Pontremoli, Amanda van Loon Archives
August 2017
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