When Amanda had returned from the hospital to tell Niels she was pregnant, Niels had been shocked. This was the last thing he had expected to happen. Not after she had told him that she didn't want any more children. But now this child was incoming, they would have to face the pregnancy and everything that came with it.
Ever since that day, Niels had been struggling with his emotions. On the inside, Niels couldn't help but smile. He was becoming a father again. It had been what he had wanted for so long, this fourth child. But he didn't know if it was wrong to show his happiness. After all it wasn't what Amanda wanted, and she didn't seem too excited about it. Maybe she would grow into it, Niels thought, but he wasn't sure about that happening too fast. So for the time being, Niels kept his emotions low. He just spent his time taking care of Amanda and the children. Maybe that would be able to help Amanda cope with this new pregnancy a little better. But for the time being, Niels doubted it was improving too much of Amanda's feelings. Every time one of their two youngest grew clingy, Niels could see it on her face. So he hid the happiness he felt. He knew Amanda knew he was happy about this, they had known each other for so long, but he felt it would be wrong to be real happy. After some time, Niels could see Amanda beginning to accept the pregnancy a little more, and they started thinking about how to tell the kids. Maybe, Niels thought, this was a first step towards the happiness he wanted Amanda to feel. But he also knew that happiness was far away for now. And he couldn't change that, no matter what he tried. When the time came to tell their children, he looked at Amanda before going to round them up. "Are you ready for this?" he asked, the faintest of smiles playing around his lips. He could see her nod, and he hoped she was ready. After that, off he went to ask the kids to join them in the living room, where they would hear the big news.
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Niels at a glanceName: Niels van Loon Archives
September 2017
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