Saturday Today marks an interesting sort of day. While I await some news that only those closest to me knows about, my stomach is all in knots. By the end of today I will go down one of two roads. One road may possibly be of more heartache. The other road can either be of happiness and love, or guilt... Which will it be. And can there be a happily ever after with the choices I have? Waiting I have reached the point of being emotionally drained. I never thought I would see the day where I will be sitting on my bum, in tears, waiting for a man to make a decision. This is pitiful and it is not me! I am usually stronger than this. I am usually self-sufficient. This stinks! Comments
#1. You are a DIVA. No need a man who cry a lot without being responsible and honest. Do you see the row of other men waiting on you? You are special in many ways. Love you Sis. Beverly Duckworth #2. Sis, you always know the right words to make me feel better. Love you too! You are the best... YOU are a diva. :) Rosa Rosewell #3. Just open your eyes and see! You no need a selfish little boy! You no need a boy crying a river to you! You need a good and honest man! Yay-I know everything! Beverly Duckworth #4. You do know everything... but you've left e speechless. :/ Rosa Rosewell #5. Ain't no mountain high enough baby!!! You climb up and you get what you want! If you ever need me I come in hurry! You know me! Waka waka eh eh-this time for Rosa,coz she is imazing! Beverly Duckworth #6. hahaha. Thanks, Bev. Ain't no mountain high enough. I'll remember that. :) You're the best. Rosa Rosewell #7. I hope you're not offended but all I can say is. Get off your lazy butt. Happiness won't come to you, you have to go out and look for it. Take control of your own life. Bert Camps #8. Haha. That actually made my laugh. Which obviously means I'm in a better mood. I am not offended because... well I dunno why. But I did take control. Thanks. Rosa Rosewell #9. Ok, good to know. I love making people laugh even if I didn't intend to do so ;) Bert Camps #10. I know you definitely didn't intend to in this case... oh well. :) Rosa Rosewell
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I just want to break down and weep - cry my eyes out, create a river of my tears. I've had my emotions strung around like a string of beads, kicked around like a football, thrown on a rollercoaster and ridden up and down. I've never felt such strong feelings for anyone. I've never had such mixed emotions in my 16 years of life. I've never been so confused of how to feel. I've never felt such heartbreak. I've held my breath for so long. Does he love this other girl or does he love me? I've waited to be loved. I've had it. If this doesn't work out, my heart will be permanently scarred. If it does work out... am I to feel happy? Or am I to feel used, second-hand, second best? Am I her replacement, or does he like me for ME? I am better than a second hand store! Comments
#1. No, you are not a SECOND HAND. You are just too kind and nice letting him to treat you as his socks! I am speechless from last night. Pfffff him! Beverly Duckworth #2. Never let anyone make you feel that way. *hugs* Bert Camps #3. I know you are as upset as I am Bev. And thank you so much Bert. Rosa Rosewell #4. woow Rosa you have such a nice friend.- chi chi Beverly Duckworth #5. @ Beverly, lol. :) Rosa Rosewell I have to put my heartbreak and my sadness to the side. It's not all about me and I care more about my sister than my bloody lovesick feelings. I can sense that something is bothering my sis but she won't talk to me about it. Here we are in Rio de Janiero and we're both miserable. I hope something good eventually comes of this holiday because so far, we've both been pretty down. :( Don't worry, Bev, you're always there for me, so I'll always be there for you. Through all our skilling and our ups and down. When people annoy us and when we annoy each other - I'll still be there. xoxoxo. My sister is not a very nice drunk. She's a mean drunk but through her meanness I could see that she was hurting. We took a break apart from each other because we weren't getting along very well in all our misery. Now my poor sissy has a hangover. Jeez, I hope this day ends better than it began. Comments
#1. Do not worry Rosa, I will be fine just stop your extra care of me! I need to cope and find a way! Is nothing about you. Beverly Duckworth #2. I can't help but worry about you, Bev. You know that. Rosa Rosewell #3. Just mind your own business for once! Beverly Duckworth #4. Stop trying to start a fight. It won't work. I know you to well. Rosa Rosewell #5. Then shut up! Beverly Duckworth #6. You're my big sissy so I have to shut up and listen to you. If you wanna be like that. Fine! Rosa Rosewell #7. Stop shouting at me you waka waka star. I've got a headache! Pfffff-I am drunk! Beverly Duckworth #8. We need to go to the beach or something, girl. Or you need to go to sleep. Rosa Rosewell #9. I cannot go to beach if I do not know where it is. I can hardly walk you silly! I am unhappy and drunk. Michael where are you? bůůů Beverly Duckworth #10. Awww. *hug* Stay home, sestra. You need some rest. Rosa Rosewell #11. And you need to get out! Stop talking or my head explode! Beverly Duckworth #12. Well, you're a mean drunk. See you when you're sober. Ahoj. Rosa Rosewell My heart is playing tug of war with my emotions. Just when I thought I was getting over that lovesick feeling... it comes back to haunt me - and in the midst of my recovery too.
I have fun these days. I talk to other people, and I go about my daily business, but at the end of the day, he's still on my mind... When will I be able to accept that his heart belongs to someone else? *sigh* On a bright note: I'll have fun watching people running around naked to hunt Zombies. haha. Then at the end of the day... he'll be back to haunt my mind... and the cycle will repeat. Well, I got back to London and it was nice to see some people who I haven't seen in a while. A couple of days ago all I wanted was to get back home. I was so upset with something that occurred while traveling and I wanted to forget it all. Now I don't feel so bad about what happened and I can actually laugh about it. But at the same time, I feel restless again. Like something missing. There's a hole in my life and I don't know what I need to fill it... Strange... I'm not sad but I'm not completely happy I guess... I dunno. At least my sestra's still here for me. :) Comments
#1. Ops... I´ll sing here too so.. "let me give you my phone number when you worry, call me I will make you happy Don't worry...... be happy!" John Watson #2. Hahaha. It's okay, John. Thanks. :) Rosa Rosewell #3. ;) John Watson I was feeling pretty rotten but my sister always knows how to cheer me up! All I wanted to do was go home. Back to London and forget about all the people I met while travelling. But then my sestra came up with this brilliant idea of wearing ballet tutus to Music Conspiracy's Warsaw concert. Even Kristel's wearing it. She's such a good sport. I think we look good... I don't know what others will think. lol. I still sort of want to go back home but I definitely feel a lot better because I know my sestra is there for me. Thanks, Bev! Love you for life, girl! Comments
#1. There´s a song that´s says... "Here's a little song I wrote You might want to sing it note for note Don't worry, be happy John Watson #2. (cont)In every life we have some trouble But when you worry you make it double Don't worry, be happy..." John Watson #3. Ah, Bobby McFarrin. Yes, I know the song. I was just listening to it the other day. lol. Thanks for the reminder, John. Rosa Rosewell Why do I have so many mixed feelings at the moment? It's like... I don't know HOW to feel. Should I be happy that I can hang with my sestra again? Should I continue the life of a vagabond, landing wherever the wind blows me or should I settle down? Should I take a break from it all and go on holiday? Should I keep trying at personal 'affairs' that are hopeless or should I give up?
*sigh* I'm happy one moment and the next---I just don't know. I need some clarity. Perhaps, I need a little more patience. Some direction, maybe. A mentor? Something! SOS! Mayday! :/ I think I'm addicted to travelling. I just can't stay in one place. I thought I'd chill out in London for a while but I only lasted one day at home. Now, I'm off to meet my sestra again. After only ONE day, I really missed her. Is that pitiful or what? Oh well...
I Can't Believe This
Just when I decided to take a break from all the travelling to return to my studies, I find out that Master Mixers AND Music Conspiracy will BOTH be in Stockholm to perform tomorrow. How sad... Well, good luck to both bands! Ugh! Okay, so I was all excited a little while ago to perform my first show. Back to reality: that's a LONG ways away. What was I thinking? I need to improve on A LOT of my skills. I sort of want some more members in my band. I need more songs.... I need.... EVERYTHING! On the bright side, I've had fun travelling around. Following my friend and her boyfriend's band for a little while but I think I should head back home and get some studies done. Yeah... I should even though I don't want to. *sigh* I am definitely getting the hang of handling my own business. It's time I become independent. One more command to take from mum and I'm completely on my own.
Meeting new people is fun! Now I have the confidence to do so. I'm even turning a few heads. hehe. I have a great job and a wonderful boss. Well... time to continue preparing for that show. |
Rosa at a glanceNames: Rosa Rosewell, Rosa Rosewell-Barthel, Rosa Rosewell van Loon Archives
March 2011
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